Throughout the past year and eight months since I started this blog, amazing and indescribable changes have happened in my life. Changes in the person I was, to who I am now can be overwhelming at times. I continually look at the past to remember that it truly is a miracle and only through Jesus Christ have I found myself able to live with joy and freedom. But through these writings I have shared on this blog many of them were honest and open but I was very careful to share what I felt needed to be shared. In doing this I may have caused some of you who are reading to misunderstand me and maybe find it hard to relate to this “super Christian” my words may have described me to be.
The past two days I have really been struggling with memories and pain of my past relationship. It seems weird to have all this come back even though I thought it was already given to the Almighty to take care of. But I am human.
Maybe some of my pain was never truly dealt with and I just began to move on out of necessity to carry on with life. To finish school and graduate, to begin work to pay off school loans. To edit videos as they were handed to me.
So I have come to the conclusion that sometimes I feel like crap, I feel crazy for thinking about things over and over, I feel a weird feeling in my gut like I’m going against my own flesh but trusting in God’s promises that I cannot truly understand. I hang on to one word that seems to be the only thing God will tell me right now, “Wait”
“Wait” is a really ambiguous word. That could mean anything! Wait, for what!?
I get kind of mad sometimes at Abraham’s story, like if His story was never written then I wouldn’t have to think about how long He waited to have a child. He waited half a life time, and then in his old age it was given to Sarah and him, Then God has the nerve to say Hey, that child I just gave you after all those years, sacrifice Him to me. WHAT!? WHAT kind of “love” is that!!!! But old Abe obeys and a ram is provided for the sacrifice.
Or Moses, He was forty when He killed the Egyptian, then he fled into the desert and lived as an alien for another forty years. He thought He was saving the Israelites when He was forty, but nope he had to wait around till he was eighty, then was sent back to free his people. Then he was promised a land of milk and honey, yet didn’t even live to see it.
When I read and think of these and many more stories, I realize man I have never truly waited for anything. I have seen so many of God’s promises answered in my own life that I cannot even think of being like Hey God, what’s taking so long you promised!
Man that sounds like a child! But that is what I sound like sometimes.
Isaiah 45:9
Woe to Him who quarrels with His maker, to him who is but a potsherd among the potsherds on the ground.
“Do not possess any wisdom of your own. For many times His execution will seem so contradictory to the plan He gave. He will seem to work against Himself. Simply listen, obey, and trust God even when it seems highest folly so to do.” – Streams in the Desert. October 3rd
This is where I find myself on October 3, 2011.
In three months (Lord willing) I will be going to India, to start documenting an orphanage to share their stories with the world. Three months ago I was not even sure if I was going, and nothing is guaranteed, I could wake up tomorrow and God may have a different plan for my life.
I have much work to complete before then. I feel God speaking these words to me
Proverbs 24:27
Finish your outdoor work
and get your fields ready;
after that build your house.
Before I build my house, I must have everything I began to do, finished. That is righteousness. I am human and may never achieve that. But I will try my hardest.
Why is God righteous, because He does what he says He will do. He made a promise, a covenant with Abraham, and He will keep that promise to the last. That is love.
I began reading through Acts the other day, and was amazed at how much the early church references the Covenant with Abraham, and the entire story of the Covenant love God showed the Israelites throughout history. Yet the Israelites forgot it.
Acts 3:25
And you are heirs of the prophets and of the covenant God made with your fathers.
Its all about the Promise. God made a covenant with Abraham and will fill it to the last. God is the ultimate example of righteousness that we as humans can never achieve.
Covenant = Promise = Righteousness = Love
So again, I wait.
Psalm37:7
BestillandwaitpatientlyupontheLord.
No comments:
Post a Comment