It doesn’t end.

He must become greater, I must become less. John 3:30

Day 310 of Discipleship. (10/26/10)

It has been long while since I last blogged.  Oh I have been journaling, now more than ever but have kept my thoughts to myself, close friends and Christ.  But I continue on.  I have faced many trials since I last left off on this small window into the story of my life which is only a piece of one bigger greater story, that I Praise he who is worthy that I could be apart. 

I stand before you today a man.  Nothing more, nothing less, but I am a man that seeks the will of God in my life.  My prayer is that he uses me, that he takes me and molds me, that I will have no glory of my own but to share the Love of Christ with the world.  But the world is big place, I cannot bare it alone, I need the help of others.  Brothers, Sisters, Mothers, and Fathers in Christ, people of God that love one another and desire nothing more than to serve Christ.

I have been blessed in ways I cannot see.  I have been sustained in ways I did not think possible, I have been comforted in places I did not know I would need comforting.  I have been forgiven in ways I did not deserve forgiveness.  But all this is the Love of Christ, God the father raining down directly and through others.  My words are nothing because I was once full of sin, but God set me free! God set me FREE!!! He paid the price, and I am FREE!!!

The Trial

I returned home from Miami, Florida; my mountain top experience, a spiritual greenhouse in which tremendous growth occurred.  It was not easy, but as all ways in order to prepare me for the next step.  Another moment of testing to prove of what I’m worth.

Believe you me it was not easy, and I still have far to go, But I stand today, not who I once was but what I have become.  

Where I am at

There are certain things in life that are God breathed.

Creation

Communion

Covenant

- God created the world

- Then sought communion with his creation

- Then fulfilled his covenant with man, by sending his own flesh and blood. His only son to be sacfice for our sins. All he asks is that we accept and commit to living for him, and bring others to do the same.

Simple.

So simple it seems that we cannot understand. We try to do more than we are supposed to do. I try to do more than I am supposed to do. Way more. I get so far ahead of where He wants me. I wade far out into the water and then a storm comes and I am tossed by the waves. He says come back, to the shallow. You are not ready to be there. Stay here we will do this together. Ye of little faith why did you doubt...

Now I see...

Now I see who I have hurt...

Now I see what I have learned...

Now I see I am no where close to where God will take me in my lifetime, If I continue to follow Him...

Now I see but as a poor reflection in a mirror, then we shall see face to face...

And now I will show you the most excellent way. If I speak in the tongues of men and angles, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging symbol. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all knowledge and all mysteries, if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love I am nothing. If I give all I posses to the poor, and sacrifice my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy it does not boast. It is not proud, it is not rude, it is not self seeking. It is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies they will cease, where there are tongues, they will be stilled: where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part; but when perfection comes the imperfect disappears. When I was a child I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man I put childish ways behind me. Now I see but a poor reflection as in a mirror then we shall see face to face; now I know in part then I shall know fully even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain faith hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13

There and back again.

I have been home for 1 week.

I am Blessed.

I am thankful.

I am taking it day by day.

“No one has any right to demand where he will be put to work”
– Oswald Chambers


(I wrote this before I left, but I feel like I need to share it now.)

To My family:

Mom: I love you with all my heart, I can’t begin to thank you for all you have done for me. You have sacrificed years of your life to raise me. You pray for me, you feed me, you clothed me, you provided shelter for me. I don’t know anyone else with a more giving heart than you.

Dad: You are my hero, my protector, my teacher, my team mate, my provider, my father here on earth. I thank you for the hard work and commitment for this family. You have worked hard to provide for our needs and bring us to church. You have provided me with wisdom and strength to face each day and rely on God when we are weak. I remember one time when you where upset and you went to your closet, I went after you to find you and saw you praying with your Bible. That is the best thing I have ever learned from you, and you may not even have known it.

Sister: You helped take care of me when I was young, and you helped make me presentable when I was a teenager. I thank you for being my friend when I was a quiet little boy and for helping me become gentlemen. You may not understand or agree with what I’m doing I only ask that you try to understand why I am doing this. I love you and am always here for you.

Brother: You are on the edge of becoming a man and have many trials ahead of you. Look towards God, obey your parents, find good friends, and read your Bible. You are talented in ways I am not, don’t waste it. Use your gifts God has given you and look towards older, wiser, men who follow Jesus for advice.

Donkeys (Brothers): We have been through much together. We grew up together. We have faced ridicule, embarrassment, honor, judgment, anger, fights, pranks, trouble, police, parents, pastors, forgiveness, grace, and love. We are a brotherhood, we stand strong. Our friendships will last the test of time. We are separated now but a time will come when we are united again. Stick together while I am gone, fight the good fight. Seek the knowledge and grace of God in his word and in relationships. Honor women, be humble, be kindhearted, and be slow to anger. Look towards whatever is pure and holy, for the eyes are the window to the soul.


“I am not saying this because I am in need. For I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need and I know what it is to have plenty, I have learned the secret to being content in any and every situation, well feed or hungry, whether living in plenty or want. I can do all things through him who gives me strength”
- Paul Philippians 4:11-14

10 weeks

I have been away from home for 10 weeks and 1 day. At times I wonder what I am even doing here. Shouldn’t I be in school? Shouldn’t I be walking in the wilderness doing nothing but reading the Bible? Shouldn’t I be leading Homeless ministry. Shouldn’t I be enjoying myself playing Frisbee? Shouldn’t I be studying to be a pastor or a doctor or a missionary or a film maker? Shouldn’t I be working to pay off college loans? What am I doing!!!

Then I remember those words, “Come follow me.”

Then I remember Isaiah 55:8,” For my thoughts are not your thoughts neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord”

10 weeks ago I was ready. I was prepared to either have a place to sleep or to live on the streets. Here I am 71 days later sitting on the same spot on the same bed that was provided to me by the generosity and love of a people, a church, and a family of believers that follow you Lord. We are very different. We speak differently, we drive differently, we eat differently, but we are the same.
The love of Christ is in us and we are united.

Here I will stay until God leads me on.

2 Peter 3: 8-9,” Do not forget this one thing dear friends, with the Lord a day is like a thousand years and a thousand years is like a day, the lord is not slow in keeping his promises he is patient with us, not wanting anyone to perish but everyone to come to repentance. “

Wrestling with God

(Journal entry from 3/19/10)

I wanted to leave and have no contact with family or friends.

He wanted me to let them know I was alright.

I wanted to give all my clothes away.

He wanted to clothe me with his love.

I wanted to lay down outside and awake outside.

He wanted me to lie down and awake in the fellowship of brothers in Christ.

I wanted to eat out of the garbage.

He wanted me to eat with people who used to be dirtier than garbage but have been cleansed with your love.

I wanted not to shower.

He wanted me to feel clean physically and spiritually.

I wanted to go to Haiti.

He wanted me to send food, clothes, and medicine to Haiti.

I wanted to be dependent on God.

He is only waiting for me to let go.

I wanted to be homeless.

He wanted me to have a home with 40 brothers in Christ. The Home of the Nazarene

40 days and Nights

Throughout the Bible 40 days is a significant amount of time.

God let it rain for 40 days and nights, Jesus was fasting in the desert for 40 days. Moses Was on Mount Sinai for 40 days before he received the Ten Commandments. Elijah when running for his life was given food and water from an angel and traveled 40 days and nights.

In all these events the action didn’t happen till the end of the 40 days. Moses received the commandments at the end. It stopped raining at the end. Elijah heard the voice of God in the wind as whisper at the end, and Jesus was tempted by Satan at the end.

I must be ready for anything.

I must be listening for a whisper yet armed by the words of God for attacks. I must be ready to get up and go down the mountain or to head back from where I came from.
Every day and moment is a preparation for the end of the 40 days.
Jesus knew the word so at the end Satan had nothing against him. Moses waited on the mountain so at the end he received the Laws of God.

I am here every day learning to be Joyful always and pray continually so at the end I will be ready.

It takes obedience to get to the end. Noah had obedience by building the boat. Moses was led by the spirit to the mountain top. Jesus was led by the spirit to the desert.

Today is day 39, 1 day away…


The Lord himself prepares away for you and is with you. He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be discouraged. Do not be afraid. -Deuteronomy 31:8

Haiti

We have been blessed to be here, to share in the service of Christ caring for the widows and the orphans.

During the last 6 weeks we have unloaded numerous donations from all over the United States. We have sorted and organized countless boxes to inventory them to be shipped. At times the work was tedious but, I take joy in being the hands and feet of God. I am thankful for a global community of believers that have unselfishly donated food, water, clothing, and medical supplies. I am thankful for the many volunteers who have helped us sort the items.

I am thankful for the ability to be here, and help. It is only possible through God’s will.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart soul and mind, and love your neighbor as yourself.

How did I get here?

(Jounral entry 2/9/10)
God. Prayer. Obedience & Faith.

A call has been in my life for a very long time. It’s like an unseen wind that has been pushing me in the right direction for many years. When I try to remember the first time it’s hard to recall a specific start to this wind. I remember as a child hearing a missionary at my church speak. He talked about how a call to mission can start even as a child.

Well, here I am 13 years later I’m following the call. A call to be a disciple of Christ, the first missionaries. The Call lay dormant for many years. But God did not stop.

In 2003, I went to NYC Nazarene Youth conference, the theme was discipleship. My foundation in the church, that is full of of believers in Christ has been preparing whether I acknowledged it or not. Yet I still have far to go.

In 2005, on a mission trip to the inner city of Nashville,TN I discovered my gift to serve. I also confronted my addiction to pornography and confessed it to God. I repented and was accepted by God’s love and grace. I am saved!

In 2007, I learned I must give up some relationships to follow God. I have to be very careful to not confuse my will with God’s will.

In 2008, I learned I was the rich young man, I must start giving back. Luke 12:48 From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.

In 2009, I saw your people in Haiti, I learned I must care for the widows and the orphans of the land, I found the neighbors I should love as myself.

In summer 2009, I started to give back. I feed the homeless through God’s help.
I also learned about ministry wroking at a kids camp at Shepherd Community.

In 2010 I stood up from my nets and followed him.

For in the gospel a righteousness from God is revealed, a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: "The righteous will live by faith." - Romans1:17


“Only those who obey can believe, and only those who believe can obey” Dietrich Bonheoffer

“No habla español”

We were standing outside a ten foot high gate, outside a completely fenced in two story building on the corner of Ali Baba and 22nd Ave.

A pot belly-ed man walked towards the gate from the inside and began speaking in what I thought was Spanish, I replied “No habla español”. Then he began talking faster and with more emotion. Neither Seth nor I could understand a word. We replied again with “No habla español”

I finally pieced together a sentence in Spanish asking to Speak to the pastor who I had talked to over the phone and we were let in the gate, to our home for the next stage of our journey.

Hogar del Nazareno (Home of the Nazarene) is a substance abuse rehab center for men. It is located in the heart of Northern Miami, in a district called Opa-Locka.

To the locals this area is called the Bermuda Triangle, because once you go in you don’t come out.


(Journal entry from Friday 1/22/10)

It is 9 in the morning; I have been up for three hours. There is something that feels good about getting up early and having a whole day ahead of you.
At 1 pm we helped unload a truck load of donations, or blessings as they call them, blessing from the Lord. I am reminded of the hard working nature of men, and their ability to work together while joking and laughing.

I can’t help but ponder my current location. I am sitting in the middle of North Miami surrounded by the city, yet I am safe. I was welcomed in with open arms by brothers in Christ. The clouds are moving, trees rustling in the wind, birds flying in the air.

Ephesians 2:3-5 All of us also divided among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were deaf in transgressions, it is by grace you have been saved.



God is Good, God is Faithful, God heals, God Saves, God renews, God Loves

Following

“Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow, me.” Mark 10:21

-Jesus

A couple of weeks ago I was catching up with a friend I hadn’t seen in a while and the first thing he asked me was, “Dude, when are you going back to Haiti?”

I didn’t think much about it at the time.

During Christmas break I received a newsletter from the missionaries I stayed with in Haiti last spring break. They mentioned need for short term and long term volunteers. I began to think about Haiti and my experiences their and wanted to look into going back.

Then the earthquake happened.

I prayed for the people of Haiti, and prayed for ways in which I could help.

I received an email from Nazarene Compassionate Ministries about sending relief supplies to help aid Haiti. The address listed to send the items was in Miami Florida, I looked it up and it was a local Nazarene Church. I made a few phone calls and spoke with the Pastor down there who also runs a rehab center for men.

I called Seth over to my house to tell him the news, when he walked in the door, I said, “dude Haiti, we should help.” Hey had thought the same thing and was just about to tell me about what he heard on the radio about Haiti.

So know I’m following after God, and trusting in his direction. I don’t know how long we will be in Miami. I don’t know the work we will be able to do, I don’t know if we will eventually go to Haiti.

I do know I’m trusting in Jesus as a disciple following his ways.

The first step.

Disciple.

Christian.

Follower of “The Way”.

American.

Servant.

Child of God.

Man.

These are all words that I have used to describe and define myself during my life. Some of them I have lived by not by choice but purely based on my location of birth, and a seemingly divine plan on my life. I did not choose where I was born or whom I was born to. But I am utterly and completely humbled and thankful for the grace, mercies, blessings, and goodness that I have received in my life. I have two of the most loving and giving parents I could ask for. They have supported and challenged me to follow God all throughout my life. I have a loving family who cares for me and wants the best for me. I am grateful and thank the Lord for his presence in my family’s lives.

Coming of age.

In my life I have reached a point where I am leaving childhood and becoming an adult. With adulthood there are many responsibilities that I must accept. In many ways I have already reached adulthood, physically, legally, mentally. But in other ways I am not there yet. Complete independence, mental sexual purity, and discipleship.

When I was a child I acted like a child, thought like a child and reasoned like a child, when I became a man I put childish ways behind me. 1 Corinthians 13:11

I don’t know how else to say this.

I am taking a step towards discipleship.

I am taking some time away from all the distractions of media, school, friends, and devoting my time towards God.

I will be reading.

Praying.

and waiting on direction from him.

Acceptance

I wasn’t called to a place, I was called to him. In many ways in my life I have already felt a call to serve God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength and to love my neighbor as myself.

Now I am trying to truly understand what that means.

I am seeking and waiting.