Oldie but a Goodie

Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine!

O what a foretaste of glory divine!

Heir of salvation, purchase of God,

born of his Spirit, washed in his blood.

This is my story, this is my song,

praising my Savior all the day long;

this is my story, this is my song,

praising my Savior all the day long.

Perfect submission, perfect delight,

visions of rapture now burst on my sight;

angels descending bring from above

echoes of mercy, whispers of love.

Perfect submission, all is at rest;

I in my Savior am happy and blest,

watching and waiting, looking above,

filled with his goodness, lost in his love.

Thoughts.

Once you have seen the truth you are never the same.

Do any of us really even remember what following God truly is?

Are their any righteous among us?

Proverbs 8:34-36

Blessed is the man who listens to me,

watching daily at my doors,

waiting at my doorway.

For whoever finds me finds life

and receives favor from the LORD.

But whoever fails to find me harms himself;

all who hate me love death.

Are we waiting daily at his door?

As the days go on, I am more convinced that we have truly forgotten God, and what living devoted to Him truly is.  We cry Christian. I am a Christian.

But are we really?

Are we willing to die for out faith?

Wide is the path that leads to death,

But narrow is the road to life.

Prideful. Am I? Or am I simply against the world.

If you are not with me, you are against me.

"If you don't stand up for anything, you will fall for everything" - Brother Ed.

Well Now that I am done ranting. 

Dream.

I had a weird dream last night.

In my dream I was sitting in my front yard and their were all these little ducklings around, then a flock of grown ducks came down, and started attacking the runts of the liters. They all started attacking the weak and deformed ducks. Even the other ducklings turned on their brothers and sisters.

Then their was one duckling that escaped, It only had one leg and was looking at me, it came closer to me as if it wanted me to help. But it was bloody and I was afraid of getting a disease from them, then I panicked and literally threw the one legged duckling towards the attacking ducks, and then I fled. I went about yelling for help because I was covered in blood from the duckling and was afraid I would get sick.

Then I woke up.

As I am today, I am not ready, for India.

Although it was a dream I think it represents where I am at right now. If I was faced with the task of protecting the wounded and deformed who are being cast aside, and slaughtered by the strong, then I would flee.

But I am not afraid.

For God is continuously working in me.

Why do I believe that? Because it is promised.

Because God is preparing the way for me, and you as well. Whoever you may be and have found yourself reading this.

Why do I debate whether to post this?

Why do I question what I blog?

Am I protecting something?

Am I afraid of being vulnerable?

Of showing my weaknesses?

Honesty

For any who may be reading.

Throughout the past year and eight months since I started this blog, amazing and indescribable changes have happened in my life.  Changes in the person I was, to who I am now can be overwhelming at times.  I continually look at the past to remember that it truly is a miracle and only through Jesus Christ have I found myself able to live with joy and freedom.  But through these writings I have shared on this blog many of them were honest and open but I was very careful to share what I felt needed to be shared.  In doing this I may have caused some of you who are reading to misunderstand me and maybe find it hard to relate to this “super Christian” my words may have described me to be.

The past two days I have really been struggling with memories and pain of my past relationship.  It seems weird to have all this come back even though I thought it was already given to the Almighty to take care of.  But I am human.

Maybe some of my pain was never truly dealt with and I just began to move on out of necessity to carry on with life. To finish school and graduate, to begin work to pay off school loans.  To edit videos as they were handed to me.

So I have come to the conclusion that sometimes I feel like crap, I feel crazy for thinking about things over and over, I feel a weird feeling in my gut like I’m going against my own flesh but trusting in God’s promises that I cannot truly understand.  I hang on to one word that seems to be the only thing God will tell me right now, “Wait”

“Wait” is a really ambiguous word.  That could mean anything!  Wait, for what!? 

I get kind of mad sometimes at Abraham’s story, like if His story was never written then I wouldn’t have to think about how long He waited to have a child.  He waited half a life time, and then in his old age it was given to Sarah and him, Then God has the nerve to say Hey, that child I just gave you after all those years, sacrifice Him to me.  WHAT!? WHAT kind of “love” is that!!!! But old Abe obeys and a ram is provided for the sacrifice. 

Or Moses, He was forty when He killed the Egyptian, then he fled into the desert and lived as an alien for another forty years.  He thought He was saving the Israelites when He was forty, but nope he had to wait around till he was eighty, then was sent back to free his people.  Then he was promised a land of milk and honey, yet didn’t even live to see it. 

When I read and think of these and many more stories, I realize man I have never truly waited for anything.  I have seen so many of God’s promises answered in my own life that I cannot even think of being like Hey God, what’s taking so long you promised!

Man that sounds like a child! But that is what I sound like sometimes. 

Isaiah 45:9

Woe to Him who quarrels with His maker, to him who is but a potsherd among the potsherds on the ground. 

“Do not possess any wisdom of your own. For many times His execution will seem so contradictory to the plan He gave. He will seem to work against Himself. Simply listen, obey, and trust God even when it seems highest folly so to do.” – Streams in the Desert. October 3rd

This is where I find myself on October 3, 2011.

In three months (Lord willing) I will be going to India, to start documenting an orphanage to share their stories with the world.  Three months ago I was not even sure if I was going, and nothing is guaranteed, I could wake up tomorrow and God may have a different plan for my life.

I have much work to complete before then.  I feel God speaking these words to me

Proverbs 24:27

Finish your outdoor work

and get your fields ready;

                after that build your house.

Before I build my house, I must have everything I began to do, finished.  That is righteousness.  I am human and may never achieve that. But I will try my hardest.

Why is God righteous, because He does what he says He will do.  He made a promise, a covenant with Abraham, and He will keep that promise to the last.  That is love. 

I began reading through Acts the other day, and was amazed at how much the early church references the Covenant with Abraham, and the entire story of the Covenant love God showed the Israelites throughout history.  Yet the Israelites forgot it.

Acts 3:25

 And you are heirs of the prophets and of the covenant God made with your fathers. 

Its all about the Promise.   God made a covenant with Abraham and will fill it to the last.  God is the ultimate example of righteousness that we as humans can never achieve. 

Covenant = Promise = Righteousness = Love

So again, I wait.

Psalm37:7

BestillandwaitpatientlyupontheLord.

                                                                                                                                                                                          

The Missionary's Goal

Me:

I read this on Friday, but just now posting it... Props to Oswald Chambers, and His awesome wife, Bibby Chambers who compiled all his writings into a devotional book. The underlining was done by me, for the parts that stuck out to me.

Chambers:

The Missionary's Goal

"He... Said to them, 'Behold, we are going up to Jerusalem...' "(Luke 18:31)

In our natural life our ambitions change as we grow, but in the Christian life the goal is given at the very beginning, and the beginning and the end are exactly the same, namely, our Lord Himself. We start with Christ and we end with Him- "till we all come... to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ..."(Ephesians 4:13), not simply to our own idea of what the Christian life should be. The goal of the missionary is to do God's will, not to be useful or to win the lost. A missionary is useful and he does win the lost, but that is not his goal. his goal is to do the will of his Lord.

In our Lord's life, Jerusalem was the place where He reached the culmination of His Father's will upon the cross, and unless we go there with Jesus we will have no friendship or fellowship with Him. Nothing ever diverted our Lord on His way to Jerusalem. He never hurried through certain villages where He was persecuted, or lingered in other where He was blessed. Neither gratitude nor ingratitude turned our Lord even the slightest degree away from His purpose to go "up to Jerusalem."

"A disciple is not above his teacher, nor a servant above his master" (Matthew 10:24). In other words, the same things that happened to our Lord will happen to us on our way to our "Jerusalem." There will be works of God exhibited through us, people will get blessed, and one or two will show gratitude while the rest will show total ingratitude, but nothing must divert us from going "up to [our] Jerusalem."

".. there they crucified Him..."(Luke 23:33). That is what happened when our Lord reached Jerusalem, and that event is the doorway to our salvation. The saints, however, do not end in crucifixion; by the Lord's grace they end in glory. In the meantime our watchword should be summed up by each of us saying, "I too go 'up to Jerusalem.'"

September 23

Me:

These words seem to sum up the culmination of what I have been learning the past few years. The life of serving Christ has some big adventures and experiences of helping people you never even knew existed, but it also has times of living day to day in familiar places with people you know very well. But regardless of everything the love of Christ is the same, and rather simple.

Love God, and Love others.

As I prepare for going to India I am reminded that this is not my first missionary journey and Lord willing will not be my last. I will try to live my everyday as I am on a journey with God, because the reality is we are all on a journey, everyday we are on a mission to share the grace that has been given to us.

Why India?

On August 29th , two weeks ago, I committed to going to India for six months. My assignment is simple: take a camera, make videos and share them with the world.

What Am I sharing?
The stories of children who were, abandoned by their families and sent to an orphanage just because they were not seen as healthy. 100% of the children that live at Sara’s Covenant Homes have some form of disability or special needs. Many of these needs require special surgeries, medications, and proper nutrition.

This simple verse seems to have defined this journey God is about to take me on: James 1:27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.




GOD (is greater than) ME (plus) YOU (plus) PRAYER (equals) INDIA (trip Jan 2012-June 2012)
This picture represents that no matter how much You and I plan, donate, fundraise, give, create, and sacrifice, we can never be greater than what God can do. I believe through genuine prayer, and fasting that we will begin to understand what God will do in India through whatever means He sees fit.


God’s Part
John 15:16
You did not choose me but I chose you and appointed You to go and bear fruit, fruit that will last.

My Part
Accepting
Isaiah 6:8
Here I am God, Send me to the World
I accepted the call to India because I have already accepted the call to Christ. In accepting this call I no longer have a plan or single place that I am called to, I am called to Christ. In my journey so far these words remind me that I will be sent many places but my call is to Talk with God daily. “No one has any right to demand where he will be put to work.” (Oswald Chambers Utmost For His Highest 5.7)

Your part
Acts 4:32
All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of his possessions was his own, but they shared everything they had.
As the body of Christ your part is simple to share what we have been given with others.
Some of you will Pray
Some of you will donate
Some of you will fast
Some of you will come to India yourselves
We each share a part in creating a change in this world, everyone's answer will be expressed in a different form but they will all stem from this basic action: love.
John 13:34
A new command I give you: Love one another. AS I have loved you, so you must love one another.

If you are reading this then you have heard the Cry of the poor
Now the question is what will you do?

India and Me

Once upon a time in a film school far far away... another day was coming to a close, and a chance meeting among friends and acquaintances was under way...
This is a portion of the events that transpired,

Caleb: Hey Luke, what do you think about making a documentary in India?
Luke: Well I’m interested, only problem is I don’t have a camera... Hey Anson you have a camera right?
Anson: Yea dude, sure do it’s a canon t2i.
Luke: I love that camera we used them all the time back at school.
Anson: Yea it is like my first camera I bought after working a few church camps
Luke: So... you think I could possibly borrow it?
Caleb: Wait, why don't you both go, I’ll connect you with the missionaries in India, they are running an orphanage and want some videos made.
Anson: Dude I’m in , let’s do this!

So Luke and I began planning a two week trip to India, we had everything set for going in August, then plans changed.
Our contact in India needed someone who could be a full time Media Coordinator. They were looking for someone to come to India for six months.

I began to pray, have others pray, and waited.

It starts with a prayer

In the fall of 2009. The 1st semester of my Junior year of college. I was at war with myself. I knew what I had been taught my whole life; Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind, and love Your Neighbor as yourself. Luke 10:27
But I was not living that way.
So I prayed, ”Here I am God, SEND ME TO THE WORLD.” Isaiah 6:8
Then God began to answer that prayer.

You see I was not Loving God, I was loving myself but did not even see it. Sure I looked like I was following Christ, I walked it, I talked it, but there was still a part of me that did not love God.
Not only was I not loving God, I was not loving my neighbor.
Who was my neighbor? the countless women trapped in the pornography industry. Women who are somebody’s daughters, somebody’s wife, somebody’s mother. For nine years I had been a slave to the sin of this age. It was a free drug; a hidden addiction.
In that fall of 2009 I looked at myself and saw that I was addicted to pornography, leading a homeless ministry, going to church, praying, and reading my Bible. But I was still falling into sin.
I was the me I did not want to be. I was falling and had no way out. I was on my knees and yet still sinning. I tried everything I could do on my own to stop sinning. But it was never enough.

Romans 7:18-19
I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no the evil I do not want to do - this I keep on doing.

But God said “Enough! My son, Follow Me! Leave your home, your family, your school, your future career and Follow me, I will get you out of this pit. Its breaking my heart to see you do these things. No longer!”
Come Follow Me.

So I left. I obeyed. I confessed. I pleaded,”God forgive me for I have sinned.”
I was ready to go right then and there. The day I left college after withdrawing from school which represented a life I could have lived. I was ready, I wanted to just run out my front door and go!
But God had a different plan.

God had to teach me. Purify me. Humble me. God had to take out every last part of my flesh that longs for anything that is not Him.

I. Purity
God sent me to Miami, FL in 2010 to aid with Haiti Earthquake Relief
But that was just a blessing God used myself a best friend and many others to be his hands and feet to Haiti in their time of need. Once I arrived in Miami the test was living at a Spanish Rehab center.
Pastor Obe, was simply allowing God to use his church and rehab ministry to aid Haiti relief and gave us a place to live while in Miami. It was here with everything I knew stripped away that God spoke to me to surrender to him. To give up my dreams of adventure, and learn to follow God daily.

II. Identity
God had to give me a new Identity, he had to rename me. No longer would I be an addict and slave to my flesh. Now that I was away from my home, God had me right where he needed me so that I could come face to face with myself and wrestle. Much like Jacob back in Genesis, I too had to wrestle with God. So I wrestled night after night, I would not give up. Even when it felt like I was winning, when I was pure, far from the addiction I once knew, far from the images that used to poison my mind, then and only then was my prayer genuine and from the very deep of my soul.

Then God touched me. I was reborn.

Death.
Burial.
Resurrection.

My new name was Child of God, Disciple of Christ, Set free from sin, a slave to righteousness. I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live but Christ lives in me. The Life I live in this body I live by faith in the son of God who loved me and gave himself for me.

III. Living
Living in the World but not of the World. It is one thing to be Holy on the Mountain top, but it is completely different thing to live it out day to day engaged in work, school, and tedious life.
I left Miami feeling the call to finish school. From May 2010 – July 2011 I was taking classes. By the strength of God, and perseverance from leaning on Him I was able to walk with my class, then receive my diploma in August after finishing summer classes. I was an entire semester behind but God provided a way.
But then I found myself, not living in the joy I had been given.
I had a new purity, a new identity, but I was still afraid.
Afraid to live out who God created me to be. I was not truly living as an heir to the Kingdom of God. This time through an “In Between Trail” that few people other than myself could see, I was again purified of any last thing that was not what God had created.

These words had to be spoken to me,
Psalm 16:2 You are my Lord apart from you I have no good thing
I could not move on from these words until God had his way in me, until He truly was the only thing Good in my life.

And now I wait...
For there is something on the horizon, God has answered my prayer...

He is SENDING ME TO THE WORLD as he has from the beginning, this time to India.